Poltergeist Trilogy Overview

This series gotten progressively worst. There’s no wonder my father never introduced me to a Poltergeist II much less Poltergeist III. The first Poltergeist
had the benefit of the doubt due to the fact that it would be intended for a child to watch with one’s family or even with a father or mother or guardian.
While doing a little research, I found that there’s actually a Poltergeist made in 2015. I do not know whether or not this movie has any relations with
the Poltergeist Trilogy that I just reviewed, but my best guess is that it’s a reboot. I have plans on watching and review this film as soon as I can,
but I won’t be able to get to it right away. I’m afraid I don’t have too much to say about it. You could easily get away with only buying the first one,
and being perfectly happy without seeing the sequels altogether.

Poltergeist III (1988)

I am so horribly sorry about the delay, but here it is. My review of Poltergeist III, yet again written by an entirely different staff. This movie is
rated PG-13 with no specified reasons. This is the worst of the three so far. It’s not that I’m saying they genuinely gave this movie effort, in fact
it’s a movie that seemed to even know that it would do so horribly that they stuck the credits toward the beginning in fear that no one would
bother to see the ending credits. This is a child film, plain and simple. Remember how “He” in the first one would never even show his face, and started
to look like Medusa by the end of the first sequel. There was some actual mystery toward this beast, but now he popped up in every other scene! I felt
like I was watching an R.L. Stine movie. He might have been a good writer, but not for screen writing. The family that worked so hard to be together in
the second are now separated and the little girl now lives with her aunt and uncle. Though they share that open door policy nonetheless, but without the
child mental scarring. There’s two main things I would like to cover before diving right into this mess. The movie possessed a side theme regarding
narcissism, which in itself is not a bad thing to cover seeing how it’s increasingly prevalent to this day. Toward the beginning the father makes a
comment to his oldest daughter about looking too much into a mirror and tells her the Greek myth of Narcissus who spent too long looking at his own
reflection until he eventually fell and drowned in the pond. The daughter retorted “only a boy would be so clumsy”. This part held promise. Of course,
I’m still a little sour over the fact that the movie decided to make a side theme for people to learn from seeing how this had the most real message.
However, it is so poorly executed when she herself falls into a puddle while trying to save her cousin Carol Anne. Look, if you want the message to be
about not loosing yourself to your own reflection than it should actually be about the girl interaction with her own reflection being a result of her
downfall. Otherwise, the message holds no ground. The next part I like to cover is the large budget going into Dried Ice and Mirror Hatred. “He”, being
the poltergeist from the same two movies, leaves cold spots wherever he goes causing a crack along stories of mirror as Carol Anne is in the elevator. Though
this also brings up the question of what sort of Hotel would have so many mirrors. Carol Anne’s uncle, Bruce, happens to be the management of the same hotel
which the family lives in this movie. Apparently, the amount of ice forming all over the place including the swimming pool, is a result of the poltergeist
absorbing energy. So, why has he never done this sort of thing before. The poltergeist has always feed onto youth for life force energy, so now he’s
change his diet to heat? This would have been an interesting concept on its own if you weren’t already stealing from a movie series to do this. Though,
it appears that this might be a result of being kicked into a different dimension altogether. Oh, yes. The poltergeist has been banished into the mirror
world which would explain why the poltergeist now want the child to show them the way back to light. This is actually the bulk of it.

Due to the events regarding her house, Carol Anne is taken to a school for special child where Dr. Sedan insists that she’s a master hypnotist. With his
rhythmic voice, it’s hard to say that he’s not a hypnotist himself, which explains the hypnotherapy with her. It’s during a demonstration with Carol Anne,
that she reveals that the poltergeist keep asking her to lead them into the light. Though, this is suppose to be looking back on the first movie, and
trust me, there was nothing about leaving them into the light in that movie nor the sequel soon after. To add to the effects, a RL zombie arm throws a
coffee mug in the mirror. Sedan insists that this is a result of suggestion to cause one of the people to smash through the window. I would severely
question that seeing how the person definitely didn’t place nearly enough force in a forward motion to break through that window. There really isn’t any
need for dramatic irony for this scene. A person simply cannot be suggested to place enough force to break through a window. I still wonder why Tengena
calls him Rasputin when she first meets him face to face. Yes, Tengena’s in this, and she makes just as little sense as ever. I seriously question just
how strong Sedan thinks Carol Anne’s hypnotism is, seeing how he blames a screech through the phone on her. What you see or do is one thing. But controlling
what one hears without being present is another. I’m pretty sure that Bruce called him ‘Satan’, though that might be a misspeak. Seeing how for a psychologist
Dr. Sedan jumps straight to Hypnotherapy all the time, it’s no wonder that why someone might call him ‘Satan’. Though Bruce’s best line and quite possibly
the best line in the movie is “Nothing Sedan said made sense of tonight.” I would make that “Nothing Sedan said made sense of anything,” but I’m happy with
that line.

You have absolutely no idea how much I would like to call plagiarism on this movie for how many stereotypical RL Stine trumps have been placed into this movie.
The delayed reflection is a classic pseudo-subtle start for the movie. Then there’s Kane, aka “He”, who is constantly creeping. Honestly, do we need to say
“Creeper, Stop Creeping!” Though the silliness of Evil Carol Anne says about all of it. I fairly certain that the door she first popped out of is cardboard
with dried ice effects. Oh, the oldest daughter’s name is Donna, who happened to come back to life from a death touch on Tengena. So, what can you say? Can
we trust the Donna that just crawled out of Tengena rapidly decaying corpse? Well, she killed Sedan, and it turns out that her boyfriend, Scott, is no
different after coming back from the other side. Even the reveal, I’m-freaking-evil laughter scene took place after she kills Sedan. Then comes the strangest
part yet where Scott just rips a part of her face off for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. The disdain in her face is quite justified in that. What was
going through your head, “Here, let me just rip a bit of your face off for you”? Though, Tengena happens to still be alive as she returns from a watery
entrance in a frozen room with really lively frozen animals. Seriously, it was beginning to look like Animal Farm on Ice. Though the dialogue in the
garage really speaks for itself when we see a hybrid of “He” and a car. “What do you want?” “YOU!” I really don’t know what else you would expect. It’s
amazing how all the cars blew up in the wintry garage only brought them back to the same garage with the cars’ worst fear being rust damage from the
sprinklers. So, what? None of the cars actually went through any of that? Though there’s Tengena sacrifice toward the end that follows the sort of plot
you’d already expect by the time you have 20 more minutes to endure.

What teen would go to watch it at this point? Did they really just give up on even trying? I could actually say for the first Sequel, there was some
entertainment in the amount of creativity, but there was nothing but the same old over and over again in this. I would not so much as recommend watching this
movie. That’s right, we have another addition to my stink tank.

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)

For those that saw my first Poltergeist review, Do you remember when I said that I would love to see a sequel to venture into the strange and mysterious other world? Well, they didn’t go with that. Instead this sequel isn’t even produced by the same people. This PG-13 film, still without a content listing, seems to center on how the t.v. from the last one is not to blame. The father from the last one also seems to blame the real estate business he use to work for as he turns to a life selling vacuums. There’s also something severely missing from this film. The parent had three children from the first movie, yet the oldest daughter who could actually use some character development past flipping off construction workers is no where to be seen. The adults still seem to hold that open door policy which almost begins to look like a fetish since the almost deal with yet another walk in. Seriously, poor Robbie has probably walked in on those two a number of times already. Throughout this movie you will notice a few reoccurring themes. The first being the crazy sounding grandmother which the family now lives with, and who I also thought they sent the eldest daughter to in the first movie to begin with. The grandmother seems to be a strong believer in her clairvoyant powers and even suggests that Carol Anne could see colors with her hand. No joke. However, it seems that there’s some credit to her abilities since she managed a toy phone call to Carol Anne upon dying. (Not really much of spoiler since it happen before the raising action.) Though there’s also a lot of focus on Diane’s necrophobia which may be a result of being stuck in a swimming pool of skeleton in the last movie. Keep in mind this movie pretty much counts on you seeing the last one. As Tengena makes a reappearance she does give Diane some explanation toward the skeletons being part of an underground cult. However, this segment involves Tengena pushing Diane to use her clairvoyant powers since she no longer trusts her own. Boy, wonder why that might be “this house is clear.” Though the sudden flashes playing off of Diane’s necrophbia provides the Poltergeist some mental advantage on her and is actively exploited for all its worth. The plot of this movie revolves around family and love for one another keeping them together, but this is rated PG-13. How many teen do you think would actually watch this or think about watching it. While the rating might be more accurate referring to the content, but I just don’t think the audience intended for this are of that age group. Too, I bare some question on if this movie is about an elaborate ruse to take the family car. Certain lines used by their so called protector named Taylor follow “car’s still angry, eh?” and “it wants to come with me.” Well, it worked. So you try to tell me that that’s not part of the focus.

The main concepts that could either make or break this movie are The Native American theme, the house, the Poltergeist himself and really a lot of goofiness through Poltergeist II: The other side. That being part of the title. Why wouldn’t be about THE OTHER SIDE! This is what the audience would expect. I’ll go more into that later.

First, lets go over the Native American theme, and which tribe is the focus? That last bit is never really distinguished. My best guest is Navajo, but nothing about the theme is ever made to appear sensible or specified. If you’re going to do a Native American theme, you damn well better do it well. If you want good movies made with a Native American theme than I recommend Last of The Mahicans or The Pathfinder. Poltergeist II even establishes this as the main focus at the very beginning where we are given a blue light fire show, and a guy puffing white smoke into another’s nose. Why? I guess this was all suppose to make sense so much further along the story. No dialogue, no monologue, and absolute no explanation took part. Some guy just walked up to a campfire, started chanting until it turned blue then shoots a puff of white smoke up the other guy’s nose. Thankfully we are at least give the name of the guy who received that white smoke as Taylor who serves as the family’s protector in place of Tengena. Why him? It’s “his kind of job”. Excuse any ignorance here, but I think it’s fair to say that not many people are going to understand why it’s “his kind of job” in place of the psychic who helped them cross the other side for their daughter. I especially do not know much about or some much as which tribe this is suppose to be about. At the moment that Taylor finds himself engulfed in leaf-flies as they make it back to the grandmother’s house, I’m willing to bet that this is the same sort of tribe from Shaman King. I’ll have plenty of time to go over a few things just not quite right about Taylor, but converting Robbie to his tribe’s symbols of a man might not be his best move. As you can imagine, the mother’s not so happy about it, and when you only have a line like “how would you know, you’re not a man” you obviously misunderstood the issue. Though, Taylor still manages to convince the father to go through a writs of initiation. Finally! What the hell that puffing smoke into his nose is brought to light! Well, sorta at least. This scene actually comes pretty damn close to chapters too. Apparently that smoke is how to mark you so that the “entity” can view you. So pretty much it’s to make you more prone to attack than the person you are suppose to be protecting. What ever could go wrong there? (Yea, that’s sarcasm.) Lets start with why would you be sent to protect someone when you’re marked to be attacked by the same thing. That only assures collateral damage toward that person. I can really see why there might not be much use for this ritual.

Now for the house itself. From the first Poltergeist, the house imploded upon itself with bright colorful lights inspiring Ghostbusters special effects a hundred times over. So, of course, where that house disappeared turned into a ground zero. With all the fences and military looking cars the who neighborhood looks like a scene from Indiana Jones. To tack on more of that Indiana Jones theme, the disappears of the house revealed that the an underground utopian cult society actually lived under the house. This aspect actually seemed like a neat turn of events at first, and where it breaks lies more upon story overall. Toward the end, as in the very end of the  movie, the family actually returns to this ground zero where their magic Native American friend opens a portal to the other world. WHAT! You call this the other side, but the only time we actually see the other side is not until the LAST CHAPTER! That would be like having Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone not even involve the sorcerer’s stone until the very last chapter. You would think I’m over reacting, but they honestly have the haunting almost have absolutely nothing to do with the other side until this point. Too what we got of the awe inspiring other side is lots of clouds and two different suns. Where’s the darkness mention in the first one? Where’s all those monsters? What happened to the Light? Is the light really that weak looking sunlight? Where did all those blinding light giving viewers seizures a thousand times over come from? Granted, I’m happy they decided to show mercy, but they don’t even bother to help us figure out where all those meaty chunks came from.

This sequel still holds itself own merits regardless of the disappointments. However, the merits seem to revolve around the amount of absolute silliness stuffed into this 90 min feature. A special highlight is the face of the antagonist from the first movie finally out in the open. The “beast” as Tengena referred to him, and for a long time “He” was all they called the poltergeist in this movie. Even the cover calls him “He”. Though the true nature of this predator, yea he lives up to that very well, is the preacher to talked the cult into forming an underground society with the fear of end times by the name of Kane. He shows up first by playing with Carol Anne when she got separated from her mother at a market place. Once Diane realizes that a child is missing, (if only she noticed that about the eldest daughter), Diane finds the old man with the widest smile I’ve ever seen. I think Osborne as agent Smith really has some competition there. I would still like to know what mother would not feel weirded out by a line like “she’s such a lo-ovely child” being said by a complete stranger. Thankfully, Diane displayed the appropriate response by making sure to walking away from the guy as quickly as possible. Though, what really boggles my mind is that he didn’t think to attack the house until after the grandmother dying. Did the beast just not dare mess with granny? With that aside, the heavy amount of omen dropped that this guy is freaking evil is so over the top that I dare say it comes off as dramatically ironic. The father’s discussion with him about Taylor thereafter comes off as equally ridiculous. Here’s a few quotes to give you an ideal, “false magic, hallucinations” and “afraid you’re not man enough to protect your family”. What! Are you telling me those CGI flying leafs are simply hallucination? Okay, it sounds about what the father might actually buy, and it’s quite clear that Kane’s a master of manipulation. Just ask the cult that willingly died underground with him. The really silly bit though has to be when he makes his way into the house as a white spectral stating that he’s not dead. That’s a rather hard one to convince people when you look like Caspar in his 60s. Fortunately, Taylor’s there to explain that Kane believes the two worlds are the same and that he is no longer the man he was for a demon has taken his form. Now this begs a really big question from my end. How do you know so much about “He” who Taylor even refers later as the “entity”. Told you I would get back to that. Though seriously, where is Taylor’s information coming from? Is Tengena’s psychic powers really that good even though she no longer trusts them anymore? Or did the cult carry some books stating their beliefs? Where this information comes from is never explained.

The overall theme of this review is it’s plain goofy, the movie Poltergeist II: The Other Side fails to live up to Poltergeist series while holding a serious face. Only this movie could have a supernatural being possess toys with a rain drop. For a movie meaning to hold onto family tied, there’s probably some family elements that could have been done without like when their grandmother possesses a woman at a diner. The whole necrophobia thing is played over and over again to extremes. Too, there’s at least some creativity to how the poltergeist attacks. I forgot to mention this, but Robbie, being the son has braces, and the really jumped at taking those metal wires and stretching them all over the place and even stretching toward an outlet. The tangles over Robbie’s face started to look like the cover of a Skillet’s album. Where was Taylor during all this, protecting the girl who was not under attack at that moment. I really don’t blame Robbie wanting to walk around with a helmet after that. I’m fairly certain that the ruling on this is that it’s comedy, plan and simple. There’s no way that you can take this horror themed movies seriously as a movie, no matter how much you make “He” look like Medusa. In fact, the fact that “He” resembles Medusa from Greek mythology makes it even harder to take seriously. Oh, For my favorite part has to be when the poltergeist manages to possess the father through a tequila worm while he’s suppose to be protecting his family without Taylor. Why did he decide to start drinking knowing that its his job to defend his family on his own? I guess he figured the alcohol would boost his strength. Hey, it works in Fallout. Just watching that Tequila worm turn into an oral baby has to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like the writers just decided this whole thing was a bad joke and just rolled with. I just love how it winks back at the father and Diane before crawling away as if to say “Wakka Wakka”. The thing’s so hideous and knows it. I would expect something like this to show up in a Godzilla movie. Hell, this thing could probably make The Son of Godzilla actually work. You know what my words cannot even begin to fully describe this thing. I really wish that I could show you an image to see what I’m talking about, but you are always welcome to look them up yourself.

It’s an absolute shit-fest, but I would still recommend watching it if you feel in the mood for a spoof or something over the top crazy to watch that makes absolutely no since. I really don’t feel that the movie is really worth having to pay for, so I would recommend seeing if your local library has a copy. Thank you.

Poltergeist (1982)

Oh, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and it feels all too long. As a child, my father shared this Turner Entertainment project called Poltergeist which is based on a true story. The term Poltergeist derives from the German word for “Noisy Ghost”. The following movie is rated PG, but before PG-13 was even an option and clearly before content listings were too. This Steven Spielberg production presents a little girl that looks way too much like a doll as the center of a severe paranormal activity. I find that the movie divulges in way too much foreshadowing for my taste with the tree, clown and even the closet light. Now this family films has a few strange parts that may suggest a number of things. For one, the parents smoke pot. Apparently the really important looking book they prop open is intended to hide that. All and all, this movie is renown for one line that shows up in comedies time and time again, “Stay away from the light”. This punchline and deviations of this phrase as a punchline has even made it’s way into TeamFourStar’s dbz abridged, and I suppose Futurama at some point. Going back to the clown, I’m sure it meant something to the writer or director to have that thing, but it’s hard to tell if it’s not just an IT! by Stephen King reference. The two one son from the family named Robbie would rather have Chewy staring back at him than that clown, yet it sits in his room. Seeing how it’s clear that the Robbie clearly hates the clown, what is it even doing in there? Who decided to get that clown? Sure Robbie share a room with his younger sister, Carol Anne the doll look alike from before, but it really doesn’t really look like she cares for the thing either. For all intents and purposes, the parents in the movie are definitely no award winning parents. For this argument, I turn to the lightning strike from the t.v. that shot out right above their heads. Somehow, that registered as part of their imaginations seeing how they never thought to investigate the anomaly. They don’t even notice the ash mark from the strike hanging just above their heads. It takes the family dog barking at it and carrying a toy to it for the mother being Diane to notice. Try to tell me that Ghost Busters didn’t take that name from this movie. As for the father, apparently being told not to scratch translates to “scratch with both hands”. Though, in his defense, they did play human-mosquito bait for a while. Without too much delay, lets dive right into this movie.

The film really tries its hardest or at least from the being to look like a kid’s movie. I still cannot think of any other films that include a bicycle run for beers. (Here I thought drinking while driving was bad.) Though seeing how the man suffered the wraith of toy cars compromising the cans’ condition. I would say that falls under Kid’s film-like, or at least family movie-like. There’s even a segment where they have to fight the neighbors over either watching football or Mr. Rogers. I prefer Mr. Rogers vs Mr. T myself, but this was still pretty funny. There’s even an incident with the family bird, Tweety who couldn’t wait until school day. That was actually Diane’s reaction and they actually had the birds name as Tweety. As you can bet, it only takes a child walking in as your about to flush her pet birdy to turn it into a funeral. I’m fairly certain that this is one of these times a child says something that just comes off as creepy as those tears vanish in place of a plead, “Can I have a goldfish now?” The child even starts to over feed the goldfish on its first day. I’m fairly certain that if the dog didn’t have the sort of ill manners to start digging up the bird’s grave, I don’t know that he would make it. The film actually does a fairly decent job of portray a family like movie such as the father teaching Robbie how to count the distance of lightning by seconds between flashes and thunder. Those the family seems to have an anti-closed door policy that bothers me, though I guess it actually makes more since with small children around. Though when you see the father make an obligatory move on his wife with the door wide open, you can see where things can get awkward. Especially seeing how they were interrupted by one of their children walking in. I suppose it’s not an improbable thing, but I don’t know that I would be able to stand a dog watching me bathe.

Something about 1980s films that always boggles my mind is the use of bright flashy lights somehow equals paranormal activity. With this movie, I feel that it’s taken a little bit too far, almost like a light induced seizure patient’s worst nightmare. The flashy static lights from the tv along seems too much. This really wouldn’t be too bad, if their main way the force of nature’s way to communicate in this movie wasn’t through giving everyone a seizure. Was static on t.v. in the 1980s really that bad? At some point, Carol Anne even ends up in the t.v. and there’s large segments dedicated to using the t.v. to communicate with her. At some point, where the family invited a bunch of para psychological investigators, Diane tells on of them to not turn off the tv while they’re all sleeping. It sounded like she was basically saying “we must show no mercy to light induced seizure sufferers.” Now when the family invited the para psychological investigator is actually a really high point of supernatural activity with extreme bright lights to follow. A very popular scene taken by Family Guy is the little bathroom surprise where the ceiling light suddenly turns painfully bright orange and the guy suddenly feels a need to peel away his face. Family film, guys. Then there’s the crossing through to the other world which involved a good 10 mins of blinding light shooting from the closet. I counted 10 minutes, and that’s really only off by maybe a minute or two. I know this scene could be avoided, but did Diane really have to wear white clothes for this. As in bright white clothes with the brightest white cleanness the anyone could ever seen. At the very climax of the film the house even turns into what looks like an Oingo Boingo concert with the bright blue shooting overwhelming lights and even a batch of creepy spooky skeletons to top the hat.

Now I turn to the big question of the day, “Is the poltergeist a hardcore practical joker?” At first the presence of the poltergeist started with little thinks like breaking the bottom of milk glasses and bending silverware. I still wonder why someone would be eating cereal with a fork to begin with, but I’ll try to question that too much. The ghost goes as far as stack the dinning room chairs in a manner that appears humanly impossible. This goes back to when I question the parents’ intelligence seeing how they seem to think the children are physically capable performing these tasks. Robbie, sure, with the glass and silverware that’s technically possible for him. However the chairs stacked up onto the table and each chair towering over the little girl really doesn’t sound quite right. The poltergeist begins to show more power by rigging a part of the house to work much like a slip and slide with “tingling sensation”. Or at least that’s what Diane tells her husband, (sorry, I really didn’t pick up on his name but I think it’s Roy), and she even specially marked the area. Remember how I mentioned the tree. I probably skipped out on Robbie’s line where he says “I don’t like the way it looks at me, it knows where I live.” I really loved that part. Well, the Poltergeist possesses the tree to try to eat Robbie. In fact Robbie really gets the blunt of inanimate objects trying to kill him including that creepy clown. Seriously, why do they have that thing? I can understand the tree, but the clown’s just out of place. Now, I have to give the parents some credit since they called in the para psychological investigators after Robbie almost becoming tree chow and loosing their daughter Carol Anne to the closet. Ugghh, that could probably be made out to be a really bad joke. I’ll parentheses it. (The plot is to get Carol Anne out of the closet.) Okay joke out of the way, now back to what the family had to show the para psychological investigators  which included a tornado of stuff in the kids’ room with the strangest assortment of stuff that I’ve ever seen. I think I could only recall what looked like a blue hulk riding a horse from that segment. This next part actually plays into another aspect that I wish to venture into later on, but the Pawn shop goods from another dimension. The first way that they even figured out that there was an exit tunnel was through the first floor ceiling shooting out watches and other assorted jewelry that you’d expect to find at a Pawn shop. In fact, it really would surprise me if that is where Spielberg got the props. Though seeing how the accessories vary from all over the place, one would think the exit point could be placed somewhere just down the street. Why would would they have the exit point in the same house? Is that just how they got through to begin with? Though, I think it’s fair to say that the poltergeist had the most fun with the investigators seeing how it/they even bit one of them. Seriously, ghosts bite? I guess it’s a possibility, but I don’t know that being dead for a while would sudden ignite that urge to take a bite at someone’s side. The poltergeist even rewards one of the investigators for taking food from the strangers they were sharing the house with by inserting the hallucination of uninvited extra potein. Yum maggolicious. I don’t really think I need to go back to the guy who suddenly felt the desire to rip off his own face.

I think the most exciting part of this movie is actually how the Poltergeist resembles the qualities of an online predator. I think the part where the poltergeist sucks Carol Anne into the closer to join him in his dimension speaks for itself. Though, I’m still trying to figure out where all the glitter in the scene is coming from. The whole time that the investigators stayed in the house felt like watching a special on “how to catch a predator”. Something that angst me is why couldn’t the Poltergeist just leave, he has the little girl that he came for. I’m sure they can move their base of operations for the whole returning to life thing anywhere. Though it’s really not until Tengena (Tehn-jih-nah) appears to the scene of the crime. Cue shades lift. Since her first scene Tengena even refers to the Poltergeist as the beast that grabbed Carol Anne.Her descriptions of the beast become even more like she’s referring to an online predator. What else do you think of when you hear “plays as another child” and “says things that only a child would understand”. Though there’s also a rather disturbing scene with Diane where she’s help to a bed and constantly bobbing up and down. It flat out looks like the poltergeist is raping her.

I covered details on the Specialists being the Para psychological investigator and Tengena a bit already, but it’s time I go a little more in depth. They do a fairly good job of covering what makes a Poltergeist different from a regular haunting. See, a poltergeist is not attached to a house or object that it refuses to move from, rather a person. I also have to hand it to the investigator leaving the image of a ghost watching t.v. in my head. The Native American Psychic Tengena which the husband has nicknamed “Munchkin” is full of all kinds of one-liners spewing out after another. Let me just give you a list: “This house has many hearts.” and “I’m not going to bite cha.” (if only the ghosts could promise that.) Now the really gut buster on this is almost toward the end she declares “This house is clean”. It’s even a title of the chapter “This house is clean” in quotations and everything.The movie wanted you to know that she said that. What’s so significant about this? She was wrong. They may have gotten the child back through the two ended portal, but that this was still around. How does a renown psychic whose powers are taken to be genuine get something like that wrong?

Now, there’s a lot of the content that makes me wonder if this movie had been intend to introduce Lutheran doctrines or concepts. Yes, I mean the Christian division Lutherans. For those that are not very familiar with different divisions of Christianity. Although the religion, holy book and most of the practices are the same, each division holds doctrines specific toward their establishment and concepts thereof. The Lutheran church broke away from the Catholic church with at least 99 disagreements with Catholic practices. Lutheran doctrines often reflect that foundation as well as concepts pertaining to God being seen as light which came in handy in converting a large number of German. In the movies, there a lot of depictions of a light in the afterlife and the dead wondering a ever darkness. Assuming this light is to refer to the same light being heaven as depicted as a wealth of knowledge, then that would also explain the ghosts that put on a show for the investigators clothed in white and appearing very angelic. Likewise, the “perpetual dream state” and “passing of the membrane into new destinies” would fall in line with that. (Within the Christian faith people are either seen as already dead for not possessing the spirit, or eternal thereby only transitions to different states of existences. Too, we are seen as possessing a trinity of the body, the soul and the spirit. This is more of side stuff to help better understand the faith in relation to this movie.) At the moment I can only really suspect it at this point, but the theme of the movie seems to question whether or not it’s sacrilegious to relocate burial grounds. This actually peaks a sense of curiosity. I haven’t looked into whether or not Lutheran churches by doctrine view relocation of burial grounds as sacrilegious, so it’s really a bold statement to say so. I would love too look into that more myself, and recommend those interested to do the same.

The final portion that I really wanted to cover on this is the mysterious other world. There’s so much said about, but so little explored. Is there a certain limit to the supernatural power? If not, then why did they suddenly stop protecting the kids’ room during the scene where Diane jumps through to recover her daughter Carol Anne? Better yet, what are those meaty chucks that seem to stick on whatever comes through? What wasn’t those meaty chunks on the watches that plopped out earlier. There’s also so man things that come out of that portal way that makes me wonder what exactly all is in there. A giant skull head? Yellow tree roots coming from the door? Ghostbusters white spider monsters? Seriously there’s a lot of this stuff that just keeps coming out, that excites a sense of wonder to see what this strange and wondrous world truly looks like. Granted the closet suddenly turning into a yellow throat-like tunnel with a red knotted rotting arborary tongue grabbing for people looks a lot like a Star Wars creature.  What’s that one thing on Tatooine called? That not the part that matter I guess.

My over all assessment of this film is that, it’s decent. Obviously there’s a number of issues with the film like it’s thirst for inducing light sensitive seizures which I do not think had been their intention, or the very questionable scene with Diane vs the beast. I can easily see how that scene might trigger someone. I would also love to see a sequel that actually explores this other world much like Dante Alighieri’s El Inferno. I’ll cover what we get instead later. I would recommend paying maybe up to a $2 price range on this movie if you intend to buy it. May be you feel like chipping in a little extra and that’s really all up to you. I am earnest about wanting to look more into whether or not relocation of burial grounds might be consider sacrilegious to Lutheran doctrine and it may very well not only be Lutheran doctrine. This might have even been really politically speaking big at some point, and quite possibly around this time period. Hell, that might actually be the real purpose behind this movie rather than to share an exaggeration of stories transpiring in a house built on top of a burial ground. Feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts.

X-Files Season 2 Episodes 9-12

Firewalker: For those of you hoping for an episode about Firewalkers, sorry but this isn’t the case. However, there is a firewalker if you’re counting the contraption crafted for walking through the lowest parts of a volcano. Mulder and Scully are sent to deal with a disappearance of a science officer highly regarded for his almost prophetic work in the geology department. The team turned up a silicon based lifeform which is parasitic by nature and can survive the depths of volcanic ash. The clip plays out a lot like the thing without doing violating searches on one another. Rather, they appear unaware of the infection and only their science officer who’s gone on a killing spree did catch onto the infection. I beg to ask how a lifeform that would depend on taking humans for host isolated within a volcano could manage to survive so long. More yet, how such a spore would be able to breed in temperature much colder than it preferred environment. I loved the effort place into this episode. Aside from that enormous loop hole, the episode felt spot on. I rank this episode 4 out of 5.

Red Museum: A bunch of kid periodically end up in the wood without their clothes except for undergarments with “he is one” or “she is one” written on their backs. The town’s sheriff believes a religious cultic vegan group called the Red Museum might be behind the kidnappings. As Mulder investigates he finds that the ill relationships between the Red Museum and the townspeople might be a result of some conspiracy. The episode hints at government involvement with growth hormones might be part of a conspiracy or a cause of heighten aggression. At the capture of a prime suspect who had been creeping on people, Dana found a link to this case and the Erlenmeyer’s Flask. This episode also destroys my theory that Mulder basically lives off of sunflower seed and coffee and maybe diet soda. I rank this episode 4.75 out of 5.

Excelsis Dei: A woman working for a nursing home appears to have been raped by Casper. The facility doesn’t buy her story that she had been raped, and the invisible man is an elderly man. The man, being in his state, may have history of sexual harassment yet not definitive means to take charge of her. The case appear a little more likely when a drug allowing spiritual projection been passed around the elderly of the residence. Strangely enough, the drug seems to influence the patient’s Alzheimer. The first questions that pop into my head are: why would ghosts have a bunch of chitter chatter sounds? Why when one of the patients started painting a mural, Mulders suspected the Asian Orderly? How would they not notice someone they allow to live in the basement had been growing mushrooms? What are those shadowy figures trying to take the elderly men when they overdose? I’m pretty sure they took a number from White Noise. I rank this episode 1.5 out of 5.

Aubrey: This one was all kinds of stupid. It starts out with a woman on the police force being given an address so that the father could talk to her in private. He didn’t seem to like the idea of letting his family know about his affair or at least not this way. Apparently, being a serial killer is genetically based down. Not only is that, but the mind of the serial killer also passed down much like a possession. I rank this episode 0.75 out of 5.

SAW Overview

I’ve had an interesting couple of months reviewing this thing. I’ve even gone through nearly losing my laptop, writing a season’s worth of X-Files episodic reviews and loosing my notes and drives constantly. Having seen the series all the way through has left me with some sense of accomplishment I admit, but that’s not what this is about. This is about whether or not the SAW heptalogy is worth your time. I argue yes, begrudgingly. The series is undoubtedly iconic, and the intricate traps brings the excitement to life. At first it felt like it was going somewhere and other times it goes completely off course, because it wasn’t meant to be watched that way. It’s not made so to return to one particular chapter to enjoy. The whole series is center on assembling a puzzle before your eyes from what started with a college experiment. If you could manage the collection without the third one than I would argue that you’re not missing much of anything. Most of the flaws (not all) are brought to light much like a fix to try to cover plot holes in each one, and at first that’s what it felt like to me. The series was using sequels to make up for plot holes. Apparently, that’s not the case. I still feel like there were definite adjustments in order to make the story as a whole work better, but looking at it as a who I don’t care too much. I honestly prefer when writer and directors look to fill any gaps or fix any problems that the story as a whole struggles from. However, you are going to start to feel repetitious. For a series made to be seen as a whole, I would heavily recommend avoiding repetitions in story arches. The bigger question is would I recommend buying it. Yes, and no. I presume the costs even at a 2nd time around or BuyBacks will have the collection starting at 15 dollars. If you could manage a deal to down that to 7 dollar than that would be advisable. Other wise, I would think long and hard about spending that money. Think of how much hours worth you might be working in relationship to what you’re paying.

SAW: The Final Chapter

SAW: The Final Chapter

I’m finally at the end. I, I feel so special. That’s right, Twisted Pictures. I’m about to crack the last of your SAW series wide open. Now, I don’t make too much of a happen of this, but I’m going to pick on the title. I promise you this will start to make a little more sense later into this review. Why, when starting from Roman Numerical counters, did they suddenly drop that altogether? Now, I expect to have them hold up to the “Final” chapter thing, and not find a SAW The Final Chapter II laying around somewhere. I’m with Ross Scott on that shit. “Final”, “Last” or “Ending” means you should expect that it’s the last. I’m not so keen on series that last forever. Yea, I’m looking at you Final Fantasy! Not saying that it wouldn’t be funny to see Friday 13^th do a cross-over with SAW with a title like SAW: The Final Chapter XIII. However, by that point, we might as well start to see it as a joke. I feel that I can say that that’s not what Twisted Pictures is going for. Now to my usually time of picking on the content listings, we’re promised rated R content for “sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture and language”. How might that look one might ask. Well, I would say something like a surprise ending to Paddington where the bear took the wrong turn in a dark aisle. Aah, I’m going to miss those bear puns. Never would another horror film make it so easy for me.

Well, the movie starts us off with the ending to the first SAW, blue filtered and mini-sized. Ugh. What even told them that would be such a great idea. I know it’s pretty much their finale, but still! The blue filter can be really blinding and the mini-sizing might be an attempt to make the scene look all the more important, but they’re been using flashbacks after flashbacks throughout the entire series. We pretty much expect it at this point seeing how there has been some not even in chronological order. Now that mini-screen is done tormenting our eyes, it turns out that Gordon lived. I may’ve jumped onto the trigger by assuming he died, but you cannot blame me. The warning signs were all there. A little fair warning those, even with a larger budget than ever before being used on this movie, it runs about 90 minutes. So, the movie jumps around from scene to scene, and I mean constantly. Right after watching Gordon steam fry his own wounds shut, the scene changes to a rather public display where two guys must decide either to kill the other or let the woman playing them both die. Now when I say this is public, I mean right out in a busy day for a mall with hundreds of people crowding the walkways. This felt like a teaser to a sequel where the audience can expect to see the Jigsaw killings become even more drastic. So, what’s all this? I’m sure if they wanted, SAW would make for a wonderful T.V. series. I would watch that. It might have trouble competing with Dexter, but I can still see that happening. Well, the two come to a “bros before hoes” solution which I can appreciate that they learned to value their own lives. But, doesn’t that kind of cut into John Kramer’s, the original Jigsaw killer’s, distaste for killers.

Now starting from where we left off with SAW IV, it turns out that Jill really wasn’t counting on the whole Hoffman surviving thing. For those that don’t know what I’m referring to, turns out that Jill Tuck, being John Kramer ex-wife, had been left with the task of latching a reverse bear trap onto Hoffman. For those of you still confused. It’s a contraction that rips your face wide open. That’s really the best I can think to describe it right now. Thankfully for Jill, she knew how to play hide and seek well enough for Hoffman to not find her. With that gaping rip in his cheek, I really don’t think she had to do much for him to feel preoccupied. After her attempt on Hoffman’s life, she turns to the only detective left that she could trust, Gibson. Well, would you look at that, another police department is brought into the mix! Now obviously, the case is high profile enough for Gibson to accept her information which I think he would willingly exchange a 3 week paid vacation in the Bahamas for it. After all, this case did become big enough for the FBI to get involved. Hell, there’s even a deuce by the name of Bobby that’s milking the whole thing more money. Oh, yes. The current epicenter of this movie is a self-proclaim Jigsaw victim who resembles a 700 club charlatan without a doubt. (Honestly, what did they expect by lowering the background checks?) With that said, cue the overly supportive wife, and check.

Now as it is made official that Bobby will be meeting in a Jigsaw survivors’ support group, it cuts right to Jill having a rather strange fantasy of Hoffman capturing her. In this dream, she’s distracted by a tricycle which begs the question, is it actually official that the tricycle belongs to Hoffman. I know that Straum theorized that the tricycle actually belonged to someone other than John. Well, nothing’s verbally establish by it as Jill wakes from being torn apart by his personal go-cart of doom. Now that’s out of the way, back to that support group, nope. Instead, it follow with what I felt was the weakest point of the movie. A man wakes up in his car super glued to the chair with a tape telling him how he and his friends are to be punished for racism. It would probably help if the flesh didn’t look so obviously plastic or that he so obviously had skin underneath that skin. Seriously, the lumps where so freaking heavy that it would be difficult to hide it. Then of course the dummy which out of the woman before the car went down on her head. See, switching out the two has been done before and rather well, but not can only be achieved when a motion to make the transition appear more natural actually appears natural. Who sudden turns their head to the side after screaming at a tire? It’s like she just went dead before the tire even hit her. NOW, I can get onto the support group section where of course, Bobby felt the need to bring cameras. IS ANYBODY TRULY QUESTIONING IT AT THIS POINT? There are a few familiar face there and others provide stories that I find a hard time believing whether or not they might be true to the story. Hell, there’s nothing in the storyline that negates the validity of their stories, but nor otherwise. I can at least hand it to them for at least playing it true instead of providing a theatrical performance about it at every turn. With that said, cue Bobby’s over the time theatrical performance! Right there, he also said some of the dumbest things I’ve ever hear. I have never heard anyone say that minds may heal but the scares will always remain before that scene. I’m fairly certain that most people say that the other way around. And for good measure he verbally hind licks his wife. I don’t know what it is, but I always seem to find it funny when the guy in a relationship seems to feel the need to kiss his wife/girlfriend’s ass.

I’m going to go ahead and skip a little, but never fear I’ll catch it all later. I want to first clear what Bobby’s trials look like. Now, his first one is much more like a preamble where it is clarified that Bobby is in fact a liar and will partake his first true trails. Then that’s followed with a flashback where like all other bright ideas come from, Bobby’s came from a bar. Now the next few trials being a lawyer with a fishhook down her stomach, another woman set to have her eyes and mouth gouge out, and his bar-time friend presented with an ultimate trust game sound intriguing. However, I could not help but feel how each of them seem too similar toward one another. With the first one, if he didn’t get the key out than a bunch of punctures would go through her neck. So in other words it would gouge her throat out the same as how the second had her eyes and mouth gouged out. I’m guessing that the writing staff got short cut on this one. I admit, the third one possess one distinct difference the first two did not have. The first two people had to completely rely on him aside from maybe the how decibel catch for the first person’s. Yet, that’s debatable since he could easily cup his hand partially over her mouth to muffle any sound has he pulls the hook out. It’s just common sense that the pain is going to cause her to scream. With the bar friend, although the catch is that he has to follow Bobby’s word to safely come across in time, he still had to be able to catch the key that’s thrown to him. Now, big shocker, none of them make it. Well, that’s just too much like SAW III. How much you might ask? Well, the whole obstacle courses lead to his wife who he has to prove his ability to uphold to his claim. Before seeing her, he has to pull out two teeth with the combinations. Which ends up taking out a lot of blood. I guess it had been intended that he could at least save one of his friends in order to not have to do it on his own. I feel like picking on how ridiculous the blood spurting out looked, but I feel that I have to address the same issue her as the prior SAW III. The tests are about testing an individual’s will to survive, yet none of the tests were required in order for him to continue. In fact, he could have simply passed each one of them straight toward his wife. So, why even bother with them? This goes back on one thing, SAW IV. Prior to SAW III there was no movie that explored the importance of working together. However, SAW IV makes it its main priority to establish the will to survive is connected to working together in order to live. This however feels more like using a bandage to cover a gashing wound. Not to forget John Kramer’s concept of the will to survive is never expressed in this movie. I feel that I did forget the moment how Bobby even got a person Red Line of Destiny to find his wife. Now to derail the victim’s story. Bobby claimed to the press that he had to stick two hooks into his pictorials in order to haul himself toward an electrical wire so to disarm the electric fence. Well, this brings me to one main problem. WHY ARE YOU HOOKING THEM ONTO YOUR CHEST? Think about it. He still has his pants which if I remember right have belt loops. I think those belt loops may prove sturdier than human flesh. And wouldn’t you guess it, his flesh snapped under pressure before completing the circuit. So not only did he fail to save his people who helped him get his millions to begin with, but he failed to save his wife to an easy bake oven from Hell. Not exactly an alternate take or different look that the audience where expecting.

Now, I would like to take a little time to discuss Gibson. The first note is that this is in fact his character first appearance in the entire series. However, it seems that Gibson knew Hoffman before the killings. Now this seems like a character that could gain some significant development or perspective toward the story, but instead, Gibson kind of resembles a joke. Actually his behavior can easily be matched with an abridged anime character with repetition of silly words like calling Jill “crazy” as her new nickname. Too, it is notable how Hoffman obviously toys with him as if he’s absolutely nothing to take seriously. In fact, all it took to get pass security was a simple body bag switch up. I’m fairly certain that Jill would be safer guarded by the lollipop guild. That reverse bear trap though, it really gets around.

This movie is decent. As a finisher for the series, it actually felt great. I don’t feel that I had been psyched for nothing. The whole movie worked, mostly because of one reason. I held off on this one since it would be a major spoiler, but I was right. Jigsaw did have a small cult gather which brought Hoffman to justice. It also turns out that Dr. Gordon had been with Jigsaw for years, and had been asked to protect Jill. And a good job about that by the way. Criticizing Gordon for being a really bad guardian angel aside, this felt a lot like how a twist should work. No one would have ever expected that Gordon would be part of it all seeing the role that he played in the first movie and how he could be presumed dead by his lack of appearance in all the SAW films aside from the first and last. However, the evidence that he would possibly play a role in the killing have been around. By SAW II it is established that John would place his own disciples in trials and yet again in SAW III. Not to forget how John’s victims tend to take his side after surviving. By SAW V, Hoffman himself received a letter stating that the sender knew of his secrets which turns out to be Gordon. I’m not so sure what turned up in SAW IV or VI to assert Gordon’s potential involvement, but I would guess it would have something to do with the surgical planting of keys into people’s bodies. I would say that this movie, assuming you’ve seen the prior movies give or take a SAW III, is well worth watching. I don’t know that I would urge having to pay in order to do so though.

SAW VI

SAW VI

The penultimate movie to the SAW series. Damn I’m close to getting this thing done. Just give me a while to breathe it all in… Thank you. For this entry, I have chosen to try a different approach to my usual critique writing style. Rather than going out of order to break the events in theme based paragraphs and blocks, I will break each section up as it happens in the movie. Please let me know which of the two you prefer otherwise I will keep with my common style and possibly experiment again later.

As usual this is a produce by Twisted Pictures and Lion’s gate, and rated R all the same for “sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture and language”. Poor Yogi’s still off the job, either that or gone mute. With that bad joke aside, the movie starts with two co-worker wake up in a room full of cockroaches. Yeah, since when did Jigsaw just let bugs into his trails. The chubby one of the two gains an advantage off the bat seeing how the objective is to shed the most flesh in order to live. In other words another it’s you or me game. As the fat guy goes what I think some would call serious lipo cutting his coworker forfeits an arm into the scale. Ha. Thankfully that arm alone made the difference on the scale.

Now that theme sequences finish, we are introduced to a Umbrella corporation looking business man who denies a man’s insurance for having oral surgery.  That leaves me with two comments: One, did the writer for SAW want to make a tv series but the material couldn’t make the air? Two, Isn’t the whole point of insurance is to cover for what might happen to you? Yeah, American insurance is already kind of crooked by charging premiums on whether or not your marriage with the assumption that singles would be prone to more physical injuries. With that in mind, the insurance guy simple seem silly for tossing a customer aside for a simple complication. I don’t think he’s going to care about having his premium raised as a consequence. But of course, not having insurance somehow means that the business man killed him. That will play a bigger role later.

Remember Director Erics from the last movie? No? That bit might be my fault if you’re talking reviews only, but Director Erics is the big balding guy who is the director of the FBI. Hopefully, what a director of the FBI is self-explanatory. Hoffman, after surviving his ordeal (thankyou movie for actually following up with were we left off), is given a load of surprises for example that Straum’s finger prints have been found at the crime scene. Too, and more importantly, agent Perez is still alive. In SAW IV she acted as Straum’s partner before a dolly ambush thereby left off in SAW V presumed as dead. Ok, Perez’s life might be the real surprise to Hoffman at least.

Now to introduce Jenkins, a column writer who know about that box through probate court. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, in the last SAW John Kramer left his wife with a box containing who know what. Being the nosy writer that she is, Jenkins confronts Jill, Kramer’s ex-wife, about the box to find out more for a new entry. Meanwhile, Hoffman asks the woman who sawed her arm off if she learned something from it. I think it’s safe to say that Hoffman made that trap. As you would imagine a detective asking a patient that sounded rather strange, and the woman didn’t take it so well. Back to that box, it seems to carry six envelopes each with a game and Jenkin chose the wrong time to play 20 questions when she shows up in #2. The she’s in deep shit is just too tempting for that.

Well, Hoffman doesn’t seem to be doing himself any favors as Erics has even more secrets revealed. The mortician found discrepancies with puzzle piece carvings with Seth Baxter and the rest of the victims. Too, the tape used for that crime scene is believed to have been from a different Jigsaw. Guess that means that Hoffman could be in some deep shit. Seeing how work stress just increased for him, Hoffman decided that he could use the work and takes on all the files minus one shelved away. I think it’s also safe to say that Jill Tuck is assisting John or at least has been assisting John Kramer on the Jigsaw. A flashback revealing her acknowledgement of Amanda is even given to establish this for what John referred to as a full recovery.

It’s bad enough that the cover uses the word grisly instead of gruesome, but when a new reporter in the movie uses it, it’s like it just trying to urge me to make all the bad puns that I could muster. I also couldn’t help but to notice how he even pronounces it as if referring to grizzly bear. Something about that doesn’t seem right. Well, that businessman from before is shaken up by the threat that John made on his life years ago mostly by the fact that the Jigsaw killing continue. I think it’s safe to say that Jigsaw simply held a lot of grudges and a willingness to wait them out. I still don’t think that fully justified him shooting his own security guard. On accident of course, but shooting that security seems to be what told pigman that it’s safe to move in on him.

Well, apparently at some point, the businessman and John met at a party where Jigsaw brought up his concern with insurance possibly basing fees off of probability. I somehow thing John wanting insurance to be based off of the “will to live” is rightfully a bit much to take. Once that flashback is done and over with, the businessman wakes to find he’s being tested off of probability versus “the will to live” by playing a hold your breath game with a co-worker having a long history of smoking. Now, is anyone really surprised that the smoker would not win that one? Guess, John’s playing the ghost of Christmas pass, since his visual appearance even begged the question of “do the dead have no hold on you?”

Well, not everything about what John felt about the whole probability thing had been discussed in that party as will be seen in the second game. The trail starts with a helpful reappearance of the doll hanging from a noose to suggest what might happen to either a man with no family but fulfill the criteria of the businessman’s insurance or an elderly woman who belongs to a large family to which she mean a lot yet lacking the health criteria. The businessman breaks his own policy by choosing family significance over probability for survival. However, I would still like to know if he decided to drop both. May be that’s just me.

Back to a captured family waiting on the businessman as it would seem, they try to think of a way to use the HF dripping from a container in their cell in order to burn through the bar, I feel that they gave the whole ideal up too early. Hell, it might work by using their clothes to carefully carry over to the bars. That would have been worth an effort at least, but no. Soon enough, Jenkins finds herself waking to a similar situation as the teenage boy and mother.

Now to how Hoffman is doing. Well the word that reached his ears are as follow, “something else we wanted to talk to you about” and “It’s time sensitive”. My first thought is that there’s a trap in there. However, that seems to only trigger a flashback for Hoffman taking him back to how he wheel barreled Timothy in SAW III. To jog you memories, Timothy is that black guy that accidentally ran over a kid with a car. I don’t know if I really want to get into any more details than that right now. As John watches Hoffman simply dump him out like stinky garbage, John thinks to ask him if he likes how brutality feels. I don’t know why Hoffman is so sure that he doesn’t have to fear a test, since John just hinted that he might need some correcting on how he deals with people. While we’re at it, time to cover how Jill got that key necklace for the box which happen right in that flashback. Hmm. I don’t really know how much of this Hoffman was truly there for, I’m fairly certain that this is another flashback more so for the audience than making sense with character.

For the businessman’s third trial, he must guide a lawyer across the room in order to display the ability to take some of the pain to carry one through. Well, the lawyer appreciated it and all, but when he found that the key is in the businessman’s stomach, he really didn’t have the patience to let him take care of it. Instead, she starts at him with a saw and even kicks him in the nuts to make things easier. As a result, she dies before actually getting the key to finally free her from the trap. Where is Hoffman in all of this? Back with the other detectives as they crack his involvement right in front of him. Perez makes a key observation by noting how Hoffman’s watch is set to time something.

With how proud that the businessman is of his specially assigned stuff in order to determine any high risks in probability, seeing them on a mix between Russian roulette and ring around the rosy.  William, the businessman (yes it took me that long to actually catch the guy’s name), must choose two to let live out of eight staff members. A staff member gets emotional after the two have been picked, yelling “You look at me as you’re killing me, YOU LOOK AT ME!” Regardless of the two William chooses, I don’t think that any of them would continue working for him. Just a feeling. Now, I’m fairly certain for a man who doesn’t like murderers or killing, this really tests John’s by design.

I am happy to finally see a section revolving what the FBI is doing that doesn’t only cut off in a minute or less. The constant switching in and out like that really makes you wonder when something is finally going to ignite. Now that the FBI have a filter for the voice. Hoffman seems to frequent a cup of water. You could serious tell that Hoffman is not exactly a poker player as the comment about Straum’s lack of motivation, yet pulls away when suggested that Straum could still be the one. Of course the moment that the recording reads crystal clear, Hoffman makes really short work of his team. He even makes an effort to frame Straum for a crime he could not possibly be alive to commit. Seriously, the whole staff knew the guy is dead. But you have to say, Straum hand seems to make a real handy trophy. I also question the point in framing if he’s going to burn the whole room with gasoline anyways. Did he see that trying to frame an obviously dead guy isn’t going to work? I got a laugh out of him dumping gasoline over someone who appears to still be alive. It’s like the gears in his head said, “still alive? Let me just add a little more gasoline.” It’s still going to be really hard for Hoffman to work with the police after that, that much I know.

Think he’s still in the clear, Hoffman takes off to watch how William’s trial ends. To his surprise, Jill straps him into a trial of his own for blackmailing Amanda for her relationship with the druggy that caused the miscarriage. Did you think that woman and child were William’s family, you would be wrong. As it turns out, Jenkins is William’s sister who he made plans with the other day. However, the family still remembers him as the man who “killed his father” or “husband” depending on which of the two it’s the perspective. The wife is willing to forgive however, Junior’s not so forgiving and plays with a latch to liquidize William with acid. I honestly don’t think that Junior thought that one through so well. Who would even be able to let them free? Sure William might be a jerk, but don’t kill the hand that has the key toward you undisclosed location cell.

Will there be a sequel? Well, a little spoiler alert. Hoffman survives the reverse bear trap. It is pretty interesting to watch him use the brace to brake his thumb so to slip out of the arm straps. Then, he follows that up with slamming his face into a door frame in order to interrupt the trap’s release mechanism. Seeing how he ran out of time, it was a very necessary move to buy extra time. Still alive, Hoffman releases himself with a mutilated face. Hmm, a lot of mutilation goes on in this series.

I will say, after the third, the SAW series really makes up for a lot by improving in intrigue. For one, this actually makes me really look forward to the finale toward the series, and possibly a SAW tv series. I guess I could settle with watching Dexter, but still. Paying $5 or more on this really isn’t a lost. I might crine a little if I see it selling for $10, but that’s more of a “I really don’t want to spend so much money on one thing”. I’m pretty picky and cheap toward movies that way.

SAW V

SAW V

I’m nearing the finishing line, I can just feel it. SAW V, another product of Twisted Pictures rated R for “sequence of grisly bloody violence and torture, language and brief nudity”. Now the nudity is promised, they better not have lied to me, now. I already know nothing’s in chronological order in this Saga. With how many recorders around, I wouldn’t be too surprised if there is a tape where John asks for a pb&j sitting around somewhere. Thankfully, it’s fully established that John Kramer has been caught, and believed that the Jigsaw murders have been stopped. Now, I personally think it’s unfair for them to stick Detective Straum and Hoffman in the same room, but that happened anyways. They look too similar to one another, it’s hard to tell who is who when they do that. After watching these movies so far, I really want one of those Pig man masks. Do you think they would sell one of those things or something like that at a Rob Zombie concert? Hey, two birds with one stone for my bucket list. Now to get what the whole this is actually about in one bit jump, it’s an origins story for Hoffman. There I said it. Now, because I know Hoffman and Straum are so hard to tell apart, I’ll settle it this way. Hoffman is the local police detective while Straum is the big shot FBI detective who gone nuts over the whole case. Turns out Jigsaw received credit for one of Straum’s trial, where the killer of his sister must choose either his hands or life. Well, turns out the choice never mattered since Straum felt spiteful. A lot of frequent flashbacks pop up which has been clearly meant for the audience. So, nothing’s changed. Jigsaw manages to get the jump on Hoffman so to set him onto a chair with a trigger set shotgun aimed toward his face. Jigsaw keeps an interesting hobby for that sort of thing. Turns out that John didn’t have a problem or at least not a massive one, rather if Hoffman felt up for the long hall of kidnapping people to set in complicated contractions. Likewise, Jigsaw brings up the idea of his traps as a means of rehabilitation. So, Jigsaw is LE (Lawful Evil) that’s good to know. I’m honestly not sure how the bullet in the gun didn’t go off in Hoffman’s face, but I’m willing to suffer that aching question. More importantly, I can’t help but to ask what’s in the box that John Kramer left his wife in his will. He even provides a visual tape of himself to present that box with “contents of grave importance”. Hell, she even had a key to the box on her necklace. Wonder if that might rise any questions. Well, it turns out to capture the attention a news reporter. Miss Tuck, John’s wife, even states that he feels that someone is following her possibly due to the contents of that box.

Let’s dive right into this mess with the stars of this particular film, five mystery victims. At the very start, they wake up collared to be decapitated. If they don’t start the test in time, a set of homemade nail bombs sit ready to blow off their faces. I also question how one of the victims didn’t think showing that he knew them wouldn’t come off as suspicious or distract the others from the trial afore them. I also question how Jigsaw meant for them to tell that all the keys are the same as they struggle to reach for them willingly sacrificing each other’s safety, because surprise, surprise they’re linked up much like that tug of war segment from SAW IV.  That little game of grab the key becomes followed by a game of breaking jars. The guy who couldn’t keep his mouth shut about who is who turns out to know them from his journalism jobs. Seeing how no one felt comfortable with his occupation, deciding that the matter is a case of “survival of the fittest” doesn’t go in his favor. Three keys and only three tunnel to curl up into so to avoid an explosive blast. I question why he could have let the trust fund baby who he bashes in help out with the jars first. Too, once the explosive go off seems too late for a realization that there’s enough room in each of the tunnels to harbor more than one person. I’m at least assuming that’s what went down in his head as he shouts “waits” just before disassembling into human shrapnel. The third trial is no more intriguing that the previous two. The surviving of 3 out of 5 victims must close a circuit so to open a door with enough electricity. Rather than working as a team which is later revealed as the intent, the surviving victims make a ritual sacrifice for this trial. Though upon the fourth trial, it is finally explained or at least insinuated enough for the last two to realize that they have been intended to work together. If he want them to work together on each of the trial than why do each video play off the basis that they would be sacrificing one another? I don’t think John even anticipated for them to figure that out until the end at least, if even then. I think that John’s method ought to be questioned based on the assumption that he already figured that the victims would fail. How is it rehabilitation if one constructs traps intended for others to fail? Well, long story short, that Trust fund baby happens to be so well loved by the others that he is carried through each trial well. Instead of his life, he and the girl who basically carried him all the way through walk out of the whole thing with seriously mutilated arms.

It seems that the legacy of Mr. Warrants-Are-For-Chumps continues with Straum. He might not be black, but Straum fits the bill, when not even medical leave can keep him away from cracking the case wide open like a nut in a nut-cracker. I don’t know what it is about doing work which will not foot any pay check in the end, but Straum looks through Hoffman’s personal records, and leaves no course for Hoffman’s privacy in general. Well, Straum uncovers Hoffman’s involvement with the first victim that I discussed earlier. The guy who had to cut his wrists. As luck would have it, the crime scene remained perfectly intact after all those month. … The Hell? I would at least expect some of the crime scene to be cleaned by that time. The obvious bit, Hoffman meant for that victim to die. Okay, obvious since I’ve already covered that bit.

Well, with Straum snooping around, it all turns out to be his trial. Well, I guess his second trial seeing how he already undergone a trial at the beginning of the film. However, that event where Peter Straum readies himself for a life in an aquarium took so little build up that he founded a solution by punching a hole in his throat so that he could breathe through a pen. Remember kid, keep your pens handy, since you never know when someone would set a class case around your face in order to drown you with pouring water. In the end, Straum is set up for the assistance of John Kramer as the third Jigsaw. Straum really should have taken that glass case out. A recording tape even told him that it is his only way out. On the other hand, it’s an empty glass box with a bunch of broken glass pieces in it. I don’t think that Straum really wants to go through anything involving glass again. Too, the whole wall closing in around him seems so unlikely, yet that’s exactly what happens. I have to hand it to him though, he really but a valiant effort into his survival by jumping all the way up to the top, but to no end.

This is actually a decent and more of a move up from the bar that SAW III and SAW IV left. I could still find bits to laugh at but not much. I guess a primary vow of confidence is in how short this review is compared to my previous reviews which can tell you two things. One, there’s not a whole lot wrong with the film to point out. Two, there’s not a lot of special snippets to share about the film either. I would still recommend buying it, so long as you can find a really good deal for it like $2 bin or garage sale deal. Feel free to spend a little extra with $5 if you feel like it.

SAW IV

SAW IV

I am back, and better than ever. I apologize for the wait, and I hope this review is up to my audience’s standards. You’re all worth the effort. For this blog, I am reviewing Twisted Picture’s next piece SAW IV rated R for “sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture throughout, and for language”. Yet again, Yogi’s not there for his wonderful voice. Sorry, Old habits die hard. I personally question if this movie had been intended for mens-lovers since the rating obviously forgot to mention full-frontal nudity, such as Jigsaw John Kramer laid out on full display for all to see his nude body in the morgue. That’s right necrophiliacs this is a real juicy start for the film. I can just see Kramer’s dulling lips whisper, “Draw me like one of your French ladies”. Too, the main character of the movie named Tracy, goes on his own underwear adventures to go after a home invader. Clearly, the scene must not have been good enough for the home invader, since Tracy wakes up in a running shower with not change of articles. Never to worry, since after that rude awaking, Tracy eventually grabs himself some clothes. For those of you who still wanted more of that use of man to pander, never to worry Eric Mathews goes on ice. That’s right, the guy who we all would have been right to presume dead turns out to still be kicking and stuck on a giant ice cube to slip and slide around with his life in the balance. With the male displays, you can sit comfortably with the assurance that some things never change. For example, they continue to really get their money’s worth with that doll. A little spoiler alert here, the new guy stuck himself on his own trap, to give himself away by showing that he knew the victims involved. Though they did hold off that he had been sitting on dead voltage all along. If you had hopes that this is in chronological order, psst, you should know better by now. SAW doesn’t believe in chronological order.

I am happy to announce that the trap became for intriguing than ever. Though, unfortunately the legacy of Warrants-Are-For-Chumps continues to live on, as Tracy undergoes his personal writs of initiation. However, I feel that the background investigation during Tracy’s trials deserves special attention.

For each trial Tracy is faced with, he enters a round to set off a draw string to a tv, EVERY TIME. So much in fact, that it actually loses its sense of amusement only halfway into the film. Goody~. I personally preferred the entrance scene where a familiar face from SGU who I can only remember as Cornel Jung wakes muted by surgical wiring. He deals with serious communication complications when he finds that a man waking with surgical wiring over his eyes struggles to understand the tug-of-war situations. So, it’s more of a Baldy versus that SGU guy for a key to take off his collar. Tracy, upon his second trial, is faced with setting a chubby rapist onto a trap which demanded that he jab out his own eyes in order to live. I feel that the real torture was in how the guy also had to watch himself raping someone on tape as he goes through it. Shit! Did I forget that this is a preset for an origins chapter of the saga. In one segment, John confronts a druggy who was responsible for the death of his unborn son. More of that later. The trap however was interest seeing how the druggy had to push himself through a set of knifes in order to free his wrist from a chair.  I honestly don’t think Kramer cared all that much about redemption then.

Now back to the new Mr. Warrants-Are-For-Chumps, Tracy, who couldn’t help himself but to charge into a crime scene where Carrie hung on full dispose. My apologies though, it appears that EVERYTHING has been ripped off, not only her clothes. Still might not ruin it for some necrophiliacs though. Anyways, you all might be wondering what exactly Tracy hoped to do once he charged into the unclear room. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, unless you count throwing your hands up in the air in total defeat, but other than that, he really didn’t have anything planned. As one might image, work for Tracy is rather stressful since “everyone around him keeps dying”, and that’s quoted from the movie itself. This happens to be what decided Tracy’s leave of absence. Which, the choice should have been made sooner, since Tracy spent that time obsessing to the point that he neglected his wife.

Now that I got Tracy’s introduction out of the way, Welcome to the Pigmen Masquerade starting with a victim sitting in a chair with the same Pigman mask seen throughout the series planted on her face. This first trial set Tracy to decide to save her while her trial had been completely different. “Are you a cop?” Hmm. Why might she ask that? It might have something to do with the incriminating evidence lying around you, while you struggled with a slow insertion of combinations in order to save her butt. How is this guy an officer? I understood how the first guy was, since despite his sudden downfall, the first Mr. Warrants-Are-For-Chumps could prove his stellar detective skills. Tracy on other hand, cannot so much as take the time to look around him to understand more might be at play. Is everyone dying around him just that edge that he got pushed over? I hope his detective work had not always been that sloppy. More importantly, why did it matter so freaking much to the woman on the chair that she would willingly sacrifice her own life. Jigsaw even told her where the knife was which would have helped with Tracy simply wanting to cut the pony tail caught in the rotating gear off to begin with. Maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong angle, and she actually cared more about her hair than her own life. Hell, Evy from V for Vendeta cared more about her hair being cut off than being tortured. With that aside we’re back at the Chubby rapist being the second guy. In procuring him for the Trial, Tracy is told that he much hide his identity with the pigman mask, while not changing anything else. Seriously, if the cameras already saw him inter the room, it’s not going to be hard for any detective to stick two and two together to uncover that “oh, hey, isn’t that Pigman guy awfully similar to the guy who just entered that room a few seconds ago. After the fact, Tracy is told “can’t help them, they have to help themselves” once he followed the bread crumbs to a School where a woman much choose her own life over another. Seriously mixed signals, man. You want people to save one another, but make a tribute sacrifice for their own life? Shoving that aside, Tracy is giving a Go Home card, and do not pass Go to collect 200 dollars. I had to add that joke. Where is home? Well, it looks a lot like that place from SAW I, SAW II, and SAW III. Where else, the old workshop area where you would think more people would be swarming since they know who’s behind it. Seriously, Jigsaw laid out the welcome mat and everything. Oh, fair warning, it turns out that the entirety of the film actually takes place during SAW III with Burger Joe, and not at all after the entrance scene with Jigsaw John Kramer’s recorder is recovered.

Ah, now for me to cover the background investigation which mostly focuses a journal to gloomy flashback lands with John’s divorced wife. She proceeds to give the detective a lengthy story starting with how a druggy at her hospital pulls out a knife to have John talk him down. Wait, is she actually telling the story? How would she know about all the parts that she wasn’t even there for? Does John care just about everything about his day with her? Seriously, I wish I could get away speaking as quietly as John does without people telling me to stop mumbling.  For the things that she can give details about without having to seriously question, John Kramer had a thing for antiques, and wanted for the child he managed to impregnate his wife with to be born on the year of the pig. He made sure to plan it out that way. However, his plans become thoroughly wrecked when the same druggy from the hospital turns a asking for a jacket into a hospital drugs robbery. In the process, the druggy’s brute force caused John’s wife to have a miscarriage. Then we get back into the parts that she couldn’t have possibly been there in order to relay. John went on a pit of revenge to chloroform the druggy with a handy dirty rag and under the cover of a chibi faced pig mask which I guess inspired the pig masks later on… HOW? I mean I can see where the pig mask part went into play, but how did that chibi cutsy looking pig suddenly turn into Japanese Yokai pig mask. Now, I can get onto how Straum, the FBI detective who has been interrogating her, is a real asshole. I still don’t see the point in the endless table slamming clip in the film, or the slamming of pictures in his own partner’s face. The shit! She sees them, and she’s great at her job. YOU do not need to keep shoving the rape picture in her face to ask her how she feels about it. It’s pretty damn obvious that the scenery of the second trial would make anyone uncomfortable. I also don’t see how Straum expected the get where Jigsaw is by slamming the table in front of his wife like that. I continue to question Tracy’s intelligence as he even acknowledges that the investigation is actively following him closely to the point that he pulls a fire alarm to alert them. At that scene the doll has been waiting for them with candles. I guess he had been hoping for a romantic night with agent Perez the female FBI and Straum’s partner on the investigation.

This film isn’t stink tank worthy, but it’s laughably bad. There’s some valiant effort to turn the Saga around, and that’s noteworthy. However, I still suspect this was just a fan flic to pander male characters or perhaps just necrophilia however the case might be. With that out of the way. This is NekoTheLazyGamer, and regardless of my little incident with Sputnik, I am happy to announce that I will still actively produce YouTube video. Sputnik is fully operational. For those unfamiliar with that name, Sputnik is the name I gave my long living computer. I will also soon be doing another cross-over video with Moticolev K for his channel and I say look forward to that. I will post it on my wordpress, but it will be ultimately his video. I say post, but I actually mean embed so that your views will count as views on the video itself. I hope to give more detail on that later. Thank you, all.